Loss of Faith and drive

I have been thinking a lot about my faith not only in myself but with God also. I stepped away from the church that I joined last year. There were many reasons, but the biggest one was due to there being nothing for singles. I hadn’t gone to church for the whole summer and I knew it was time to find another church. Today, I started that journey. I grew up in the Methodist Church, but the churches in my area are slowly dying off. You don’t see the younger couples or more importantly the single men and women. In the newer churches, I just don’t really fit in and that is ok. Today I went out of my comfort zone and attended the Mormon Church in my hometown.

It wasn’t your typical service today at the church as they had a changing of the guard so to speak. The old Bishop stepped down and a new was installed or Called to serve. Next week, I will take my son with him to see how he likes it and we will go from there.

I have lost my drive to train or even go out for a walk. It has been so hot here that it completely wipes me out. Last week I had to cut the grass and I was so weak after, I had a hard time taking a shower. I need to eat more protein before going out.

I don’t know why I am holding myself back with my training. I must need to get back on my Prozac and beat down the depression once again. I was hoping that I would not need to get back on it once I had stopped due to surgery.

I have a phone call appointment on the 27th with my doctor. I really need to get my butt in gear and start working harder in my weight loss or this would have need for nothing.

IM Boulder Race Report

This is my friend Emily’s race report from her first Ironman. She is a big supporter of my journey.


My first Ironman was a whirlwind experience.  It has taken nearly two weeks for me to find time and energy to even attempt to write about it here.  This post is horribly long, sorry.     If you missed my post about race weekend leading up to Boulder, you can find that here.  If you want to skip all the reading and just check out my official raceday photos, click here.

Race morning-  I was really thankful to have a hotel in Boulder so I didn’t have to wake up too early, 4 AM was my alarm time.  I got dressed and had breakfast of two pieces of bread with tons of peanut butter on each and a banana.  It is really hard for me to convince myself to eat early in the morning, so just getting this down was an accomplishment.  I had everything I would need…

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I would like to have a breakdown, oh I mean a break.

I would like to be able to take a 3 month leave from work, to get things right in my world. But in order to do that, it would mean no races or any trips for me and Joshua and that is maybe.

This summer has gone by just way to fast and we never got to go anywhere or see anything together. My vacation time that I did have was spent when I had my surgery. Now, I have to work my way up in hours to be able to get any time off again. I can’t even request days in the future, until I have hours saved.

Today is a day were I wished that I had someone in my life to share this with, someone to support me and my son in decisions and plans not just financially.

Something will have to give soon, the only thing that will not be given up is my training and racing. That is for me only and I hope to get Joshua involved.

I love you Joshua and mommy will try harder.

It has been brought to my attention that I haven’t written in awhile………

So much has been going on that I have forgotten to write about it all.

As of today I am down a total of 39.4 lbs. Almost to my first goal, only 0.6 lbs. to go. Right now I am doing my goals in 10 lbs. segments to keep things manageable or I would lose my mind.

My biggest issues here lately is going to the bathroom. Can we spell hemorrhoids, children?? Thank goodness for spell check because I sure can’t. There is never a better sound than a plop on the water of the toilet stool. Finally after about 2 days I am feeling better. They do warn you that this could and will happen.
My rash is about gone. Yeah!


I have figured a few things out…. I can’t eat 2 eggs in one setting. I have to take about 45 minutes to eat each meal. Which equals almost 2 hours without a drink. But it is all good. I am making better choices for myself and starting to make them for my son also. We are having baked Pollock tonight, when you look at things 4 oz isn’t that much, but trying to get it is a different story. May have to eat half now and the rest later tonight.

I have started back walking and doing a great job, waiting for it to gets little cooler before heading out tonight.