It has been about 6 months since I last wrote on my blog. I just put it out of my mind and kept moving on to other things.
I have gained too much weight, between 30 to 40 lbs that needs to come off. I started a new job back in October and after a rocky 1.5 months I am finally settling in and finding my own groove. I am now the Bariatric Nurse for St. Alexius New Start.
I am now able to help others on their own surgical weight loss journey. When the patient’s find out that I also have had weight loss surgery, they become excited and more relaxed.
I was to start on my Master’s Degree, but that has been placed on hold and I may not obtain the degree. My new job does not require it and in truth, I just don’t have the time.
The biggest news is that I have signed up for my first 70.3 with Metro Tri Club.
I have hired a coach, Chris Rankin with Vitality Mulitsport. I can’t wait to get started. I have so much to do before then. I still need to rejoin the YMCA, will get a discount after the first of the year through work and looking at a power meter. I would love to get the Garmin Vector 3 . (Not sponsored by Garmin). Just don’t have the money to get them.
Hoping not to neglect writing about my new journey. 2019 is looking like it is going to be epic. Many firsts for me and for Joshua. My first 70.3, I turn 50 in December and age up.
I am sitting here at 10:05 PM and I can’t sleep. I should have been asleep 2 hours ago. Getting up every morning at 3:30 to start work at 4:00 AM is hard.
When I can’t sleep on nights like this, I start to question every decision have ever made. Tonight is one of those nights.
- Why am I over-eating, binge eating on Peanut M&Ms and Cheeze its???
- Why do I want to race? Is it really for me or am I doing it for something else or someone else?
- Why can’t I get over this and not stress?
- Do I really want to race?
- Am I wasting my Coaches time and energy?
- What if I let so many people down? Will they still like me?
- Why can’t you lose the weight that you gained?
- You are just going to gain it all back.
- You are a failure.
- You will never finish anything that you start.
- You can’t do it, you will fail.
- You can’t make good grades, work full time, train 6 to 8 hours a week and take care of Joshua at the same time.
- Work is killing you, causing your headaches and nothing is helping.
- Would Joshua be better off if I didn’t do so much?
- I hate looking at my body with all of the loose skin?
- I hate that I still see the 321 lb person that I was in July 2015.
- I hate my body and what it is doing to me. I need answers and no one knows what is going on.
Maybe I can get some sleep now that I have gotten this all out. There are more things inside of me, but I have to really dig deep to get them.
What am I scared of, right this minute in time?
I am scared of failing those around me that believe in me more than I believe in myself. I need to find the joy in my life that I had in racing. I love race day, but it is the days leading up to it that I am not finding the joy.
I am not much of a social creature, but it would be wonderful to find a training partner that I can really count on getting me out for my workouts and keeping me motivated in reaching my goal. When goals are set too high, you start to fail before really starting. I have set my goal way too high. Yes, I would love to have the experience to race in an Ironman event but not sure if I ever will at this point. I don’t want to miss out on life.
How do you find balance? If you know of a trick in finding that balance please let me know as I am swaying from side to side and falling. Never had very good balance.
I need to find this silly, happy girl once again before it’s too late.
I was able to complete all of my training in the GREEN. If you are on Training Peaks, you will understand.
Really proud of myself for my first week of training. Now the 2nd week is a little different already and it is only Tuesday. I was to do an hour of yoga last night, well life got into the way. I had my chiropractor’s appointment with Integrity Spine and Joint Center for my ongoing headaches that have kept us both baffled in how to get rid of them. Then had to run to Wal-Mart to pick up some protein to eat and snack on. Back home to pick up Joshua at the bus stop to head to our eye doctor’s appointments.
Back home after 6 PM and $1000.00 less in my flexible spending account, two new sets of glasses and trail of new contacts for mom. Home work with tears and shut down on Joshua. I was off to my Tri Club meeting with Metro Tri Club. Need to get all of the extra club points that I can get.
By the time I got home it was time to get ready for bed and get Joshua ready for bed. I was tired and needed my sleep. Will move the yoga to Friday as that is an off day that Coach Lesley had scheduled.
I am so excited about seeing all of this training, but I am trying to to feel overwhelmed at the same time. I am on Spring Break from school this week, so it is a good time to focus on just me and my training.
Thank you, Coach Lesley Endurance Fusion Coaching for being a part of Tri Equal and the #equallyinspiring team.
Soon to be time to head out to The Cyclery to get an adjustment on my cleats and aero bars.
If you want to follow some great TRI related blogs head on over to my wonderful friends.
Some Radom Thursday by Kelly Burns Gallagher and Ryan Heisler
Rachel Brenke for all types of legal services for small businesses in and out of the athletic arena. And she is heading to Worlds!!
This past week has been a very busy one. Trying to get my school work done, from trying to figure out a Fishbone diagram and a PICK chart for my nursing class to having a DXA scan, RMR and VO2 test at school.
The testing at school was a new experience to me and I am still trying to figure out the numbers and what they really mean to my athletic status and what I need to do to improve.
My VO2 was 28.5 and for my age of 48 was right in between fair and good. Will need to work on it, also if we had done the other slower test we may have gotten different results. That is partly my fault that I didn’t tell them that my average mile run is between 12 and 14 minutes.
It was a fun 2 hours and learning about what I can do. The VO2 test didn’t last very long as the speed went up fast and I couldn’t handle it at 6mph on the treadmill.
Should have done the other slower build test. Will do that the next time. This was the first time ever doing this type of testing. I was very lucky that I am a student and was able to get the test package at half price.
On January 27, 2018 I heard the news that I had been waiting for…..
I am so excited to be working with Coach Lesley Kruzel and I can’t wait to get started.
I have been having issues in this area. It will always be an issue for me no matter what size I am. I have to get it under control.
Trying to find a weight loss support group in my area is very hard. The closest ones are in St. Louis and over an hour away. I will get through this and be better for it.
I will be writing more about my training and life in general. Going to make it a weekly project and put it on my calendar to remind myself to do it. I am finishing up my BSN and will be graduating on May 4, 2018. Hoping to hear if I have gotten into the MSN program the first week on March for the fall. Then I will have the whole summer off for training, local races and spending time with my son and friends.
I have been non-stop since my last post. It feels like it has been over a month since I wrote, but in truth it has only been a few weeks.
I celebrated my 48th birthday on the 3rd, then had to write my final paper for my Nursing Research class that was due on the 13th (got it done before then and turned in), now trying to get things ready for Christmas.
Joshua and I are heading down to Florida to spend Christmas with my Dad and brother. This will be the first time back to Florida since we moved to Illinois in 2014. I have worked by butt off getting my PTO time saved up to be able to take 6 days off.
Now on to training and eating. I HAVE BEEN BAD!!!!!!
My training has taken a huge back seat to life and so has my eating. My weight had gotten back up to 165 and I just felt like crap. First of all, I have been so upset with myself that I allow myself to slip back into old unhealthy eating habits when I get stressed. Will have to work on finding better ways when school starts back up in January.
I have gone back to just drinking my protein drinks and water. I have slipped up twice and had my mortal enemy of peanut M&Ms. I just have to refocus and remember why I did this in the first place.
I have been trying to find a support group that isn’t over an hour away. I will keep looking.
Back to the training…. Joshua has swimming lessons every Thursday night and there just happens to be a Masters Swim Class at the same time. So, we both get to swim on Thursday nights. Plus he does so much better when I am not watching. I am so proud of him and how far he has come in his swimming.
Now on to bigger news…….
They have opened up applications for their “Equally Inspiring Athlete” for women to be coached for three months for free. They continue to want to increase the number of women in the sport. I was very lucky in 2015 that I applied and was accepted. Sadly it didn’t last long as I got injured and couldn’t continue. This was right before my weight loss surgery. So, I was encouraged to apply again and I did.
I have somehow lost my motivation to get moving. I ran a 5K on Thanksgiving morning with no training and did not do too bad if I may say so myself. I finished the race in 37:15 for an average of a 12:01 minute mile. I was 22 out of 44 females in my age group of 45-49. My Friend Erica won the age group at 23:51 an average of a 7:42 minute mile. Erica is so fast and I will never be that fast and I am ok with it. She has been running much longer than I have.
It’s a great tech long sleeve shirt. I will have to keep this race on the books for next year.
Need to start planning for next year and what races that I want to do and what my goals are. I have some wonderful friends that are going to help me out in this area. But first I have to finish school. I have one last paper to write before school is done for the year and then I only have 2 more classes and I will have my BSN!! It has been a struggle and many of tears have been flowing due to all of this, I just have to keep the end goal in sight. The same goes with my training and my dream of an Ironman finish.
Sunday, I turn 48 year old. So by USA Triathlon rules my age group has been 45-49 all season. But next year 2018 I have a racing age of 49 since my birthday is in December. I want to complete and do my first Ironman for my 50th birthday, which will be in 2019. May even make it a destination race, but will look at something more local and where I have friends that I can stay with or camp out with.
I am getting a coach and going to try to be more active with my local Tri group that I belong to. I love the group, but they are very intimidating to newcomers like myself but that is something that I need to overcome as they have been so supportive of me and my goals.
Blessing is going to get an upgrade in January to make things a little bit easier on me and hope that it will help to get me more comfortable in the saddle. But mostly getting into the aero position.
Until next time!!
It is official!! I am now an ATHLETE! I lost my first toe nail Monday night. My son has swimming lessons on Thursday nights and Master swim is at the same time. So, Mom goes and swims and J is at his lessons. It is a win win situation! I didn’t really pay much attention to my toe but knew it would be coming off at some point. He was out of school on Monday, so after my chiropractors appointment we went swimming. I am working on a virtual Ironman challenge with a group on Facebook that I belong to and needed to get some swim time in to meet my 2.4 miles for the month. J did some practicing and he is getting more comfortable in the water. Now to just get him to keep his face in the water. But I am not complaining as of last year he wouldn’t even attempt to put his face in the water. I was able to get in 1600 yards. I should be at my goal on Thursday after Masters swim.
Now the bike is a different story, I haven’t even started on the 112 miles that I need for the month and it is now the 11th. Going to need to set up the trainer and get started.
I just about have the running completed. I checked this afternoon and only needed 12 more miles. I knew that I couldn’t do that many miles today but I was able to get in a 10K before J got home from school.
This was my view on my run today. This was a new route for me and I really liked it. It had several rolling hills that really made you work for it. If I would have followed this trail and made the loop it would have come out to be about 10 miles. So that is my next goal is to do the 10 mile loop when I have more time.
Since it is getting a little cooler and soon to be colder, I need to start looking for winter tights to wear when I run. Just looking for one pair as of right now and really don’t want to spend too much money on them.
I am also looking at what races I want to do next year and getting a wetsuit.