Scared and Excited

I haven’t written in awhile, so I better update everyone.

I HAVE MY SURGERY DATE!! JULY 13, 2015 ONLY 7 day away. I am so excited and scared at the same time. I have been watching what I am eating, but it just doesn’t seem to be enough. I am getting my water in and trying to make the best choices that I can.

My Dad is flying in on Saturday and he is going to be with me during my time in the hospital and then stay for another week. Friday will be my last day a work and I will not have to go back until the Monday after surgery. That will allow me about 4 days at home to get adjusted to things and sleep. Thank goodness I work from home, it will make things so much better.

The biggest thing that I am scared about is it will not happen or will not work for me. I have never gotten this far before in my other attempts to have surgery.

Just say a little prayer for me, Especially next Monday. I am the 2nd case of the morning.

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Inspiration?

I was called an inspiration by a friend today. I don’t see it that way.

I am just a fat girl trying to get healthy, not only for myself but also for my son. I will have to work very hard to complete the goals that I have set for myself. It will not be easy and there will be many, many tears.

I have not done one bit of training since April. I did walk 3 miles for Relay for Life, but only did it a mile at a time. I had a bone scan done and now I have to have a MRI to see why my left lateral foot hurts. It even hurts when I put my shoes on and if I pull the strings too tight, there is pain.

I am trying to get the money together to pay for surgery. I have to have $465.00 by June 30, 2015. Thank goodness for Walmart credit card and cash back. I already have $200.00 saved and I now have to get the rest. I got the first $100.00 today and will get the next sometime next week. I keep telling myself… body by Walmart. I started working some overtime hours to be able to pay the bill when it comes. I did buy a lottery ticket tonight, but that was for selfish reasons. I want to go on a shopping spree at All3Sports in Atlanta.

Speaking of Atlanta, I am thinking about going down for my birthday. I found a race the first Saturday of December and I may have a few friends that will race it with me. By then I will be almost 5 months post op from surgery.

I am rambling tonight so thanks for letting me ramble.

It has been an amazing week!!

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I got the word on Thursday, June 11, 2015 I called the insurance company and was told that my surgery was approved!!! So, I called the surgeon’s office and was told the same thing. Jackie had called and left a message on my cell phone, but I had nothing. Later that night, I restarted my phone and I ended up with 4 different message. LOL
I was transferred over to the surgeon’s office and had to leave a message. Thursdays, I found out later is clinic day and they never answer the phone. I called back on Friday and Hollie was off.
I am in panic, excited mode right now, I want my date; I need my date, trying not to call every 5 minutes.

As I was on a conference call with work, on Monday, I get a call back from Hollie. Yes, I called again on Monday morning and she was in a meeting.

1:15pm CST I got my surgery date: JULY 13, 2015.

The phone calls and text messages start after that, yes I was still able to get my work done.
I was able to get so much done after work and before going to my school board meeting.
I found a hotel room for my Dad, as he is flying up to go to Nashville with me for two weeks.
And today, Dad called with his flight information.

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I started 2 weeks ago doing a modified 2 week diet from my surgeon’s office. Was told to only eat chicken or fish and veggies. I needed to shrink the liver for surgery.

I have lost 12 lbs to date. From 321 to 309 as of Monday, June 15, 2015.

This is it for the very happy news……. now for the not so happy news……..

I had a bone scan on Friday and it looks like I may have a stress fracture to my left lateral foot.
I go back this week, since I didn’t get a call saying that it was clear, and see what we will do next.

xoxoxoxo

I HATE MY BODY RIGHT NOW!!

This is a rant not about my weight, but my body in general. This may be a long story, so grab a snack or something to drink and happy reading.

Back in 2005 I had my son, everything went great. I was loving life, not that isn’t true. I had a bad case of Baby Blues on top of already having depression. Not a very good combination.  Now move forward 2 years, my Mom was told that she had lung cancer and was getting ready to start treatment and one morning I woke up and couldn’t move very well.  I went to the chiropractor and it didn’t help, but made it worse.  After having a MRI, found out that I had herniation at L5 – S1 that was the size of my thumb. The Pain management doctor said we could try injections, but he was certain that I would need surgery.

I ended up having surgery in October  2007 right after my son’s 2nd birthday. Things got better, I went back to work after being off for 6 weeks. Then I lost my mom on March 5, 2008. To me my world came to an end, but  life had to move on and I tried really hard. Had issues at work and at home, ate everything in site. Then in 2009 I started having issues once again. This time it was much different.  My right leg would go completely numb and tingle.  Went back to the pain doctor and had another MRI. Then I got the phone call. There was nothing that they could offer me and suggested surgery.

So, I head into my 2nd back surgery, scared, with a 4 year old and my mom not being here. I have a very supportive family and they helped me so much.  I am now fused from L4 to S1. Wearing a Turtle shell brace and walking with a walker.  I moved and started a new job and things were going well. I was into my 2nd year at the new job and the pain started back again. I didn’t think much about it as I was working in Nursing Education. Then I lost my job. It was both a curse and blessing.

After about a month of looking for a job, I finally found one in Orlando at Florida Hospital on the Neurosurgical unit. I was very lucky that I had insurance that started on day one of hire. My back had other plans for me.  I couldn’t do my job, I was in pain all of the time. I would go to work and isolate myself from my co workers due to the pain. After waiting for over about 2 months, I was finally able to get in to see the  surgeon.  Ended up needing a Myelogram to take a look at the hardware that was already placed. The news did not come back good. My hardware was loose and moving.

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So, on July 31, 2012 and August 1, 2012 I had a total of 2 different surgeries. I am now fused both front and back to the L4 -S1 area. I continue to  have pain due to the large amount of scar tissue built up around the L4 nerve root. The only options that I have now are medications, which I didn’t tolerate or having an implanted nerve stimulator. I don’t want the stimulator and I am hoping with weight loss surgery it will help.

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I am how big????

I knew that I was a big girl and needed to lose some weight, but it never really hit me until I saw these photos of myself from my first ever swim meet.  I am at my highest weight ever. I weighed less at 9 months pregnant than I do today.

What is so shocking is how your own brain can play tricks on you. When I look at myself, I don’t see that I am this big.

This has been an ongoing issue for me my whole life. I have been to therapy so many times I don’t have enough fingers or toes to count that high.  Growing up I was the token fat girl in class that would get laughed at and teased. Kids in grade school can be very mean and when you don’t have the coping skills at a young age it never leaves you.

I am on my final steps in getting approved for weight loss surgery. I just found out that the office just got the last piece of paperwork that is needed. I go on Tuesday, May 5th for my last class and then see the surgeon on June 1st, with possible approval 2 weeks after. The it will be the waiting game for a surgery date as he is about 4 to 6 weeks out after you get approved.

Keep your fingers crossed!!

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