Discouragement & Depression

I have not had a very good last few weeks. I have not wanted to do any training or be careful of what I am eating. I am trying to keep my weight below 160 lbs and I need it to be around 150 to 155 to feel my best.  Just not happening here lately.

I get real discouraged when I read other friends reports of their training on Facebook and wonder why can’t I be like that. So dedicated to their goals and training and making things happen.  Yes, I want to do a full Ironman race but do I really have the time and energy to put in the work? Can I be as disciplined as my friends KGR, Leslie, Kimmee or Rachel? Three belong to Team USA.

Am I putting so much pressure on myself that I am setting myself up for failure? All of these questions run through my head and send me into a deeper depression. I know that I feel so much better when I do train, but there are days it is all I can do to get out of bed in the mornings to start my work for the day.

I have yet been able to master the gift of time and money management which then sets me further down the dark whole.

This sport has blessed me with so much and I just can’t throw it all away.

I need a training partner. Someone that will get  me out and help me become a better rider, runner and swimmer. Someone that will challenge me to swim faster, to run harder and to bike longer.

I have had several that say to come riding with them, but they are usually riding when I am at work or I have something to do with Joshua.

I need a goal race for next year and a big goal race.  I have several small races that I have picked out, just have to wait for the money to sign up.

April  Try Tri Illinois  sprint

May St. Louis Tri  sprint or oly (I am wanting to move up in distance)

August Wood River  sprint   (maybe if nothing else comes along)

I have a lot to do between now and then. I have to get comfortable in aero on “Blessing”

Which Half Ironman is your favorite?

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It has been awhile

It has been awhile since I updated everyone on my progress.

As of last week I am down a total of 83 LBS. I try  weigh myself every Thursday, which is tomorrow.

12184980_10206621926099581_6691825653242607972_o   Look at what a year makes!  The photo on the left was taken last October when I was making my son’s birthday cake. The one on the right was taken about a week ago.

11015862_10206608725609577_7025146808327427411_o I finally got my hair colored after a year and I took my glasses off for the picture.

I got some exciting news today. TriEqual will be announcing the 50 women who will get to experience free coaching for three months on November 25, 2015.  I sent in an application and now I am keeping my fingers crossed. They had nearly 500 applications to read and pair down to only 50.

I ordered my new suit from Swim Outlet and it should be here in the next week. I ordered a size 20, hope it fits I am ready to get back into the pool.  Going to work very hard on my swimming in the next few months. Will be getting a membership at the Rec Center here in town for the next 6 months. Happy Birthday and Merry Christmas to me!

My goal is to be able to swim 50 yards without stopping. I have always needed to stop and rest after each 25.

I am looking at my first race to be in April. The Try Tri Illinois at SIUE. I will be doing the super sprint: 150 yard swim, 10mile bike and 2 mile run.

I know from last year, I need to work on climbing hills and learning how to change gears on my bike. I will be using Mabel once again this year, as I am saving my money for an entry level TRI Bike.

11807727_10206048672808607_5378116444184697780_o  Mabel

11951120_10206276281458681_1496309771590998563_n My own GOfundme account at home.

Hugs, will update again soon.

Being a BAD mommy and TriEqual News

I must be a bad mom.

I made a comment on Facebook asking about all of the eating the J has been doing these past few weeks. He is always hungry. I know that he is going through another growth spurt. but it feels like every hour to 2 hours after coming home from school he wants something to eat. Well, it started… get him active in sport. he is bored, he needs a hobby.

Do you think I haven’t tried? I refuse to push my son into anything for the sake of him doing a sport. Yes, I dreamed of him playing sports when he was little. I wanted a left handed relief pitcher to play for the Cardinals. But as time when on the Asperger’s took over. I am not completely blaming the Asperger’s, as I am the most at blame. I didn’t take him out to the park that much or get him into swimming lessons when he was little or to the pool. Was I lazy for not doing those things with him? In a way I was and I shed tears about it all the time. I have made some really bad choices in the past 10 years concerning how my son grew up. If I make any changes now it will destroy the sweet boy that I have now, my pirate at heart.

My son is not active in any sports. He plays video games when ever he can or watches You Tube videos about Minecraft and other games.My son also has Asperger’s. The video games keep him active, he is highly intelligent and loves history, social studies and culture. I have a scholar on my hands.

I get tired to others telling me I should do this or that, get him into sports or hobby. I am about to lose it. He is me all over again. I am such an introvert and I want to make everyone happy when I am miserable on the inside.

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Now on to other news………  TriEqual has launched the Inspiring Program that will match inspiring women triathletes with coaches that will follow and coach them for a total of three months free. The hope is to increase women into the sport of triathlons.  I have already sent in my application. Keep your fingers crossed for me. I truly believe that if I don’t find a coach soon, I will end up giving up on the sport and myself. That I one thing that I CANNOT do. I have to show my son that it is alright to be as active as you can be at any size.

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http://triequal.org/index.php/2015/09/08/triequal-launches-equally-inspiring-program-to-increase-womens-participation-in-triathlon/

Dreams, Dreams, Dreams…………

I had this dream last night….. I opened up my own training facility here in my hometown.
It was out in the country surrounded by farming fields and when corn was planted and tall, you would never know the facility was there. Now this was not just some ordinary facility, it was state of the art. It has just about everything an athlete would ever need. Let me try to describe it to you.

The outside front looked like a farm house with a big covered porch and rocking chairs for everyone. But once you stepped inside, you walked into another world all together. There were 5 different sections to the big open space.
• The first section was the cardio area where there were treadmills and bike trainers. The trainers were hooked up to TV’s for practice on road races or you could put in a movie. The same for the treadmills.
• The second section was for strength training and rehabilitation.
• The third section was a 2 lane 50 meter pool
• The fourth section was a dining area with kitchen and lounge area
• The fifth section was guest quarters
• On one side of the building was a 3 lane 400 meter track.
We had a staff of many to keep it running from a strength coach, a physical therapist, nutritionist, a sports medicine physician and massage therapist.
On the side of the pool there were huge garage doors that would open to let in light and air.

The facility was open for anyone to come and train, but it was really for those women that wanted to do something for herself. To reach a goal that everyone told them would or could never happen.

Dreams start Here

Now to play the Lottery and make my dream come true.

What are your dreams?

The Biggest Surprise

I got the biggest surprise today in the mail.

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I have four new Fairy Godmother’s that are cheering and looking out for me. When I opened the package, I started to cry. I am not much of a crier…. wait a minute….. yes, I am. I could not believe that these four women thought that I was special enough to send one of their own finisher’s medals to me for encouragement to reach for my dream.

I have now set my goal for my first Dream…. Ironman Florida 70.3 Haines City in 2016. This will give me about 9 months to train after I have surgery.

Speaking of surgery…

I see the surgeon on Monday, June 1st for my final visit before getting approval from the insurance company.
If everything goes according to plan, we should hear back in 7 to 10 days. Then surgery will be scheduled. Looking at the end of June/July.

Update on the office/training room

The walls and trim are all painted.

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Curtains are up.

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And the sayings are on the wall, waiting to be completed

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While doing all of this, I took a trip to the foot doctor and I came home with this……

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Looks like I will be getting custom inserts.

Tip of the day…. don’t hit the backspace button too many times.

A winning dream

I had the most wonderful dream last night.

I won my first Tri and I didn’t know that I won until names were announce. Not sure of the distance, but I know that I won. I was so excited this morning when I woke up. Best dream to have.

I have been working on my office/training room.

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Before

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The destruction
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OUCHIE from the hammer

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Needed tons of this for the wall.

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Safety First

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Getting ready for the last step. Need to wet sand and then clean the walls. Should be ready by this weekend to get the primer up on the walls.

I am going with a blue color for all of the walls and then add color when I can. I have a saying that I am going to put up on the main wall that I will be looking at when I am training.

“DREAMS START HERE”

I am also going add some chalkboard paint to something so I can keep track of my workouts along with a mirror. It will be a slow process, but I am getting very excited about it.

My view on why we need 50 women at Kona

Over the last several months there has been the “Thing” going on in the wonderful world of Triathlons, but mostly in the world of Ironman racing. I found recently that things are not all as they appear to be when it comes to equality in our sport. Yes, I am saying OUR sport. I am new to the sport but I am part of this group of wonderful athletes.
I will never make it to Kona for the world championships, even though I have been told never say never. I am a single, 45 year old, over weight mom trying to make a better life for not only myself but for my son. I know what it feels like to be excluded, to not be treated as an equal and multiple other issues that a person has to deal with growing up the fat girl. But I am not here to talk about me. I am here to talk about why I think it is important to have 50 professional women on the starting line at the World Championships in Kona.
In today’s world we are slowly changing the way we look at not only ourselves but those around us. There continues to be a very large stigma about what a girl can and can’t do. History over the years have shown us otherwise. We, as women can do anything that we set our minds to, from being a professional athlete to a stay at home mom. We do not deserve to be ridiculed about our decisions that we make about how we live our lives. The women who are active professional triathletes are just as or more important today than any other time in history. They are showing us that you can be a girl and do so many different things with your life. They are being the role models that I wished I had growing up. I may have been more active growing up if I had a Jodie Swallow, Beth Gerdes, DeDe Gtiesbauer, Mirinda Carfrae, Chrissie Wellington, Meredith Kessler, Mary Beth Ellis, Rachael Joyce, Sara Gross, Hilary Biscay and Caroline Steffen to name a few to look up to and try to be. We even now have newer role models that are showing girls that at any shape and size can do our sport: Meredith Atwood, Leslie Battle, Krista Henderson and Leah Gilbert.
This all leads up to WHY it is so important to fight this fight now. We are setting an example to girls everywhere that we will not sit and let an injustice pass us by. There are many that will say that the girls can never complete like the boys. Well of course we can’t we are completely different. BUT we are just as good as or better than the boys. This should be celebrated and not shunned. WTC and its Ironman brand have the opportunity to do just that, celebrate women.
They started a group called Women for Tri. Many wonderful, experienced, strong women were invited to be on the first board. The goal of the board is to find a way to grow the sport and have more women participate. This is the growth that they are wanting, but will not happen until they open up the spaces and make qualifying points just as equal. We have women and men of all shapes, sizes and athletic ability join our sport; hey look at me, but we have to make it equal for all. It will take time but it can happen. Just need to take that first bite out of the elephant, the bite for 50 women to Kona.

For more information on this subject go to: http://www.triequal.com

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